Potholes

I haven't written consistently in so long, I feel like I'm driving down a road filled with potholes. The ride is jerky, and slow, and despite my best efforts things come out rough and bouncy.
I know if I stick with it things will smooth out.

I should be asleep right now, but I couldn't sleep. I've been exhausted lately: partially due to over socializing, partially due to just not sleeping well. I've been having nightmares pretty frequently lately. I've also not been remembering my non-nightmare dreams, which is odd for me.  I'm usually a very vivid dreamer, with really fun and awesome dreams. Unfortunately the nightmares are also very vivid, usually leaving me waking up in absolute panic.  The theme is generally the same: someone(s) coming after me with some sort of weapon.  I've usually interacted with my pursuer - had a conversation with them, directly before they pursue me. Never fun.

My head is filled with EPFH. Not good thoughts. Feelings of being used and hurt, and not understanding why.
Also thoughts of P. Which isn't a good road to go down, for any number of reasons.
And thoughts of one other...that I am too tired to come up with a code name for. But also not a good road to head down at the moment either...

My head should be filled with thoughts of: my meeting on Thursday, getting more training at work, finalizing details for this coming weekend, where I'm going to live and when I'm going to move, the gym, what I'm putting in my body, what I'm not putting in my body... all sorts of things, none of which are boys.

Somehow I've got to refocus myself and stop worrying about shit that doesn't matter. So much that does matter, matters A LOT right now (sense! I have it!) and is quite deserving of my attention. Lists. Maybe it's time for more.

heh.
xo
MK